charge

I think that's what Michael Howard is going to say in May.

--

Mick G

wrote in message
ups.com...
Two atoms bump into each other. One says 'I think I lost an electron!'
The other asks, 'Are you sure?', to which the first replies, 'I'm
positive.'

Bill

On Mon, 21 Mar 2005 07:56:18 +0000 (GMT), "Dave Saville"
wrote:

On 19 Mar 2005 20:07:09 -0800, wrote:

Two atoms bump into each other. One says 'I think I lost an electron!'
The other asks, 'Are you sure?', to which the first replies, 'I'm
positive.'

Ouch - in much the same vein:

Two strings walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "What'll it be?"

The first string says, "I'll have a beer.quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s
d#f67howe%^Ur89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu"

The second says, "You'll have to excuse my friend, he's not null-terminated."

Two bits of string walk into a bar. One goes up to the bar to order
drinks. The barman says 'We don't serve bits of string in here!'
So, the other bit of string says 'I'll give it ago' & goes & order
drinks. The barman says 'Are you a bit of string?'. 'No', says the
bit of string. 'I'm afraid not' (a frayed knot). Barf Barf!!!

Marky P.

Marky P wrote:

Two bits of string walk into a bar. One goes up to the bar to order
drinks. The barman says 'We don't serve bits of string in here!'
So, the other bit of string says 'I'll give it ago' & goes & order
drinks. The barman says 'Are you a bit of string?'. 'No', says the
bit of string. 'I'm afraid not' (a frayed knot). Barf Barf!!!

There is a bit of tarmac in a pub boasting to all around about how tough
he is...

"I am well hard, me" he says. "I am a bit of the M1, I must have
thousands of cars and lorries run over me every hour! You have got to be
tough to take that".

Just then a small section of pink tarmac walks into the put. On seeing
this the "hard" tarmac makes a switch exit to the gents eventually
returning some twenty mins later to enquire "Has that bit of pink tarmac
gone yet?"

This attracts much ridicule from his mates: "If you are so hard, why are
you so scared of a little bit of pink tarmac?"

"You got watch yourself round that one, he is a complete head case. In
fact I am sure he is a bit of a psycle path!"

--
Cheers,

John.

/================================================== ===============\
| Internode Ltd - http://www.internode.co.uk |
|-----------------------------------------------------------------|
| John Rumm - john(at)internode(dot)co(dot)uk |
\================================================= ================/

In article , John
Rumm writes
Marky P wrote:

Two bits of string walk into a bar. One goes up to the bar to order
drinks. The barman says 'We don't serve bits of string in here!'
So, the other bit of string says 'I'll give it ago' & goes & order
drinks. The barman says 'Are you a bit of string?'. 'No', says the
bit of string. 'I'm afraid not' (a frayed knot). Barf Barf!!!




Jacques Chirac, the French President, was sitting in his office
wondering what kind of mischief he could perpetrate against the United
States when his telephone rang. "Hallo, Mr.. Chirac!" a heavily accented
voice said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo,
Ireland. I am ringing to inform ya that we are tired of the way you have
been treating our descendants over in America, so therefore we are
officially declaring war on ya!"

"Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "this is indeed important news! How big
is your army?"

"Right now," said Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is meself,
me cousin Sean, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire dart team
from the pub. That makes eight!"

Chirac paused, then said pompously, "I must tell you, Monsieur Paddy,
that I have one hundred thousand men in my army waiting to move on my
command."

"Begorra!" said Paddy. "I'll have to ring ya back!"

Sure enough, a little later, Paddy called again. "Mr. Chirac, the war is
still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!"

"And just what measly equipment would that be?" Chirac asked.

"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."

Chirac sighed, amused. "I must tell you that I have 6,000 tanks and
5,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to one
hundred fifty thousand since we last spoke."

"Saints preserve us!" said Paddy. "I'll have to get back to ya."

Sure enough after a few more drinks, Paddy rang again. "Mr. Chirac, the
war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've
modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in
the cockpit, and the four boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as
well!"

Chirac cleared his throat in an important fashion and said, "I must tell
you that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military complex
is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since
we last spoke, I've increased my army to two hundred thousand!"

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" said Paddy. "Again I'll have to ring ya
back."

Sure enough, Paddy called again. "Top o' the mornin', Mr.Chirac! I am
sorry to tell ya that we have had to call off the war."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Chirac. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Well," said Paddy, "we've all had a long chat over a bunch of pints,
and decided there's no feckin’ way we can feed two hundred thousand
prisoners."

--
Tony Sayer