TOT and also rather disgusting

On Mon, 25 Nov 2013 09:51:30 +0000, Bill Wright wrote:

but the spherical turd having had such a good start had gone between
two Belfast sinks that have flowers in them.

Thank god she didn't catch it!

I wonder what would've happened if she had? Put her off for life?

As she chased it part of me wanted to shout 'No!'. But I didn't shout
it. I mean, if you could stop a car crash would you? Honestly?

Depends who was in the car. Actually, I can think of a small mini-bus
full that I wouldn't stop... and that doesn't include politicians and
councillors and such like vermin.

Paul Ratcliffe wrote:
On Mon, 25 Nov 2013 08:12:25 +0000 (UTC), Adrian
wrote:

remembers exactly why cats are preferred around here

Ah, yes, cats (mostly) just **** where you can't see and usually in
somebody else's garden.
I have yet to venture out to look at the hole that's been dug in my
garden while I was away for a few days, but I suspect I'll find
decomposing stinking cat-****.

I wrote the following for our church magazine some years ago.

We have no cats

Finally, we have no cats. It was natural wastage that did it. No cats
were dismissed, made redundant, redeployed, or transferred to other
branches. No cats were remanded in custody, although if there were
prisons for cats I think all of ours would have all spent time inside.
No cats were driven up to the moors and slung out of the car door,
although sometimes, well . . . let’s just say I did get a bit
exasperated once or twice.

Quite simply, for the last 12 years I have had a rigid policy of taking
on no new cats. There have been plenty of applicants though. They have
appeared almost daily at our door. Experienced middle aged cats claiming
skilled rodent operative status. Elderly genteel cats in reduced
circumstances, desirous only of a quiet home in which to spend their
declining years and assuredly and most definitely not incontinent, not
even slightly. Even baby cats, irresistible to all except me, orphaned
and in dire straights, mewing piteously, have been unceremoniously
rejected and sent on their way. “Oh Dad, it’s snowing!” “That’s not my
fault. Anyway, they’ve got fur.”

Not long ago the last cat made her exit. She’d hung on and hung on,
finally becoming quite helpless, and when we took her on that horrid one
way trip the vet took one look and unquestioningly reached for her
lethal needle. This cat had done well for 17 years, but the time had come.

Cats:

Blacky (rather fierce), Ginger (pretended to be fierce, but he was a big
sissy really), Spook (a seemingly respectable old lady with a shadowy
past), Susy (the cleverest of cats), Charlie (her brother, the dimmest
of cats), Dandy (short lived), and Tiger (Carolyn's first love).

Cat highlights:
• When Susy went silently upstairs, then suddenly urine came out of one
of the living room lights.
• When Blackie reached out to steal my forkful of food, but misjudged
it. His paw went into my mouth and I had a severely lacerated tongue and
lower lip.
• When I was testing some big speakers and Spook jumped vertically up
off the beanbag and had diarrhoea in mid air.
• When Ginger would jump on the windowsill and lean on the door handle
to let the other cats in or out.
• When Hil ran Charlie over. He used to go to sleep in cardboard boxes
in the road. The wheel of the Volvo went right over him. He was flat. I
picked him up and he cried. I put him down on the ground and he sort of
swelled back into shape like in the cartoons and walked off. The vet
couldn't find any damage (still charged plenty though).
• When I was ill and immobile for two months. Every day Charlie came
upstairs and settled next to me, sometimes licking my face and purring.
• When I had to tell Carolyn (12) that her beloved Tiger was dead. The
worst thing I've ever had to do (amazingly).
• When we walked up the field and a cat would follow, only to stop at
the edge of her territory and meow at us, as if to say “You’re going
over the edge of the world!”
•When Spook gave birth in a cardboard box in the field, and Louise (10)
thought the little tails hanging out of the bottom belonged to rats.
• When Spook would run across the yard in her inimitable way, her back
end not quite behind her front end, like a 'cut and shut' car, nervously
dodging from cover to cover like a guerrilla fighter.
• When I was up a tree and I chopped off a really big branch and then
saw Charlie sitting directly below, looking up with gormless interest.
He lived, by some miracle.

But now we have no cats. We can leave food on the table unguarded. We
don’t need to do a headcount when we hear brakes screech outside. We
don’t have to deal with occasional nasty smells in inaccessible corners.
All of these are good things. But somehow, it doesn’t seem right. The
house seems very empty.

I think I’ll get a dog.

Bill

Paul Ratcliffe wrote:

Depends who was in the car. Actually, I can think of a small mini-bus
full that I wouldn't stop... and that doesn't include politicians and
councillors and such like vermin.

You're like me then Paul, you never let a hatred die. I think Jack Dee
must be the same. I have a list of about ten people, accumulated since
the 1960s, that if I was certain I could get away with it I would
torture to death. Slowly and gleefully. This Christian idea of turning
the other cheek never really appealed to me.

On a related topic I know a bloke who has a serious interest in figuring
out the perfect crime. He dreams one up then invites everyone to say how
he would get caught.

Bill

On 25/11/2013 11:26, Max Demian wrote:


Haven't you got one of those namby-pamby dog ball throwers? (Whose idea were
they?)


Haven't they been around for about 5000 years.
They used to be used for spears before balls were common.

On 25/11/2013 10:51 p.m., Bill Wright wrote:
Steve Thackery wrote:
Bill Wright wrote:

but the spherical turd having had such a good start had gone between
two Belfast sinks that have flowers in them.

Thank god she didn't catch it!


As she chased it part of me wanted to shout 'No!'. But I didn't shout
it. I mean, if you could stop a car crash would you? Honestly?

Bill

Do you really consider yourself to be a Christian?

On Mon, 25 Nov 2013 13:18:42 +0000, Bill Wright wrote:

Depends who was in the car. Actually, I can think of a small mini-bus
full that I wouldn't stop... and that doesn't include politicians and
councillors and such like vermin.

You're like me then Paul, you never let a hatred die. I think Jack Dee
must be the same. I have a list of about ten people, accumulated since
the 1960s, that if I was certain I could get away with it I would
torture to death. Slowly and gleefully. This Christian idea of turning
the other cheek never really appealed to me.

"Do unto others as they've done unto you."

On 25/11/13 21:18, Paul Ratcliffe wrote:
On Mon, 25 Nov 2013 13:18:42 +0000, Bill Wright wrote:

Depends who was in the car. Actually, I can think of a small mini-bus
full that I wouldn't stop... and that doesn't include politicians and
councillors and such like vermin.

You're like me then Paul, you never let a hatred die. I think Jack Dee
must be the same. I have a list of about ten people, accumulated since
the 1960s, that if I was certain I could get away with it I would
torture to death. Slowly and gleefully. This Christian idea of turning
the other cheek never really appealed to me.

"Do unto others as they've done unto you."

"An eye for an eye and a pound of semtex for a wind turbine"


--
Ineptocracy

(in-ep-toc’-ra-cy) – a system of government where the least capable to
lead are elected by the least capable of producing, and where the
members of society least likely to sustain themselves or succeed, are
rewarded with goods and services paid for by the confiscated wealth of a
diminishing number of producers.

"[email protected]" wrote in message
eb.com...
On 25/11/2013 11:26, Max Demian wrote:

Haven't you got one of those namby-pamby dog ball throwers? (Whose idea
were
they?)

Haven't they been around for about 5000 years.
They used to be used for spears before balls were common.

They were useful. I mean the things people use to stop getting dog spit on
their hands.

--
Max Demian

On 11/25/2013 01:18 PM, Bill Wright wrote:
Paul Ratcliffe wrote:

Depends who was in the car. Actually, I can think of a small mini-bus
full that I wouldn't stop... and that doesn't include politicians and
councillors and such like vermin.

You're like me then Paul, you never let a hatred die. I think Jack Dee
must be the same. I have a list of about ten people, accumulated since
the 1960s, that if I was certain I could get away with it I would
torture to death. Slowly and gleefully. This Christian idea of turning
the other cheek never really appealed to me.

On a related topic I know a bloke who has a serious interest in figuring
out the perfect crime. He dreams one up then invites everyone to say how
he would get caught.

Bill

It might be better to try and understand why these individuals have
treated you so badly. To have ten such people in your life, rather
suggests it might be you! Anyway, bearing such hatred wont do you any
good. Best to move on.

In message , Max Demian
writes
"[email protected]" wrote in message
web.com...
On 25/11/2013 11:26, Max Demian wrote:

Haven't you got one of those namby-pamby dog ball throwers? (Whose idea
were
they?)

Haven't they been around for about 5000 years.
They used to be used for spears before balls were common.

They were useful. I mean the things people use to stop getting dog spit on
their hands.

Pain in the proverbial to anyone owning land with public rights of
way:-(

Shortening the time spent on Fido's walk is achieved by flinging tennis
balls 40m either side of the path. My tractor cabs are full of the
things!


--
Tim Lamb