Bill's got a second job?

Adrian C wrote:
Graham. wrote:

I say, I say, I say.
What do you use to fix a Sky dish to the side of a ship?...


I don't know. What do you use to fix a Sky dish to the side of a ship?


No more sails?


I'll get my coat.

--
Ron

I watched the lunch time news earlier and they had an item on the world's
biggest cruise ship, Oasis of the Seas. The captain's name is Bill Wright,
could it possibly be?...

This has amused other people, at my expense. Even worse, imagine being a
very unathletic child with a mortal fear of footballs, sharing a name with
the decade's best known football hero. Sport teachers, not famed for the
originality of their wit, would make great use of it once they latched on.
Mind you, I have his original name plate on my office door now!

Anyway, musing generally, why is it that some of us react to a flying
football by vigorously diving out of the way, whereas others try to position
themselves so the ball collides with their head? I have my own ideas about
this, but I won't voice them for fear of causing offence.

Personally I've always been one for avoiding trouble, seeing balls as things
to dodge rather than to intercept. I was a very fast runner as a child and
dealt with gangs of bullies by outpacing them.

What puts all this into my mind is the fact that yesterday, helping Paul
out, I went to a block of flats where several residents had erected dishes
contrary to their agreements. I have my own opinions about landlords and
dishes, but they are irrelevant. I removed all the dishes and was just
sitting in the van getting over it (I've been ill and I'm rather weak) when
a young man of burly countenance and threatening demeanor marched towards to
van. I could see that he was very very angry, to the point where he might do
something regrettable. His body language said 'fight' and he was bellowing
about his dish. I watched him storm diagonally across the carpark in front
of the van, coming towards my door, and realised that I would have to wait
until he had come round the side of the van before I could drive off or I
might run him over. I wanted to rev the engine in readiness but realised
that this might alert him to my plan, so I waited right until he was
wrenching my door open before I shot forward. He staggered back and gave
chase briefly. We swerved out onto the road and I drove away with one eye
glued to the rear view camera. Thinking about it afterwards, it is always my
policy bite the bullet and explain things to residents, even things that
they really aren't going to like, but this time he really did present such a
threat that I don't think anyone would have wanted to have a discussion with
him.

Bill

Ron Lowe wrote:
Adrian C wrote:
Graham. wrote:

I say, I say, I say.
What do you use to fix a Sky dish to the side of a ship?...


I don't know. What do you use to fix a Sky dish to the side of a ship?


No more sails?


I'll get my coat.


The Plank. /That/ way. Walk!!!!

--
Adrian C

Bill 'Pikey Gob****e' Wright captaining a cruise ship?
He'd be lucky to captain an ex-scrapyard dinghy with 2hp outboard motor.

Jealousy is *such* a nasty thing.

Jamie's motive might be jealously, but his assessment of my nautical ability
is perfectly accurate. I have almost drowned myself and others on many
occasions. Several of these have been videoed, and a relative says that one
day he will produce a DVD: Bill's Very Best Founderings, Sinkings, and
Goings Aground. The sequel might be called 'Confusing Radio England with
Gunfleet Lighthouse and other cock ups.'

Incidentally, our family has a string of nautical message flags which we
hang up during festive occasions. My uncle, who is properly qualified to
drive a ship (of what size I don't know) swears that the message given by
the flags is 'We are clear of infection. May we enter your port?'

Bill

If he's been up the Lakes he may well be piloting his motorhome
http://www.jadehurley.net/Jade%27s%20site/FLOOD%201%20website.jpg

Oh, that looks dodgy. Carpets at least must be ruined. I wonder what the big
aerial is for, compromised as it is by the front of the luton.

The van appears to be a hire van or something. Those bullbars are rather
vulgar.

Bill

If it hasn't run aground yet probably not. OTOH I bet they need someone in

to sort out their TV system...

I had a look round Britannia, and they were suspicious of me because I was
peering into nooks and crannies. But you can see the tap-offs and trunk
cables of the TV system! Like all kit in 'stately homes' it is ancient and
knackered.

Bill

Adrian C wrote:
Ron Lowe wrote:
Adrian C wrote:
Graham. wrote:

I say, I say, I say.
What do you use to fix a Sky dish to the side of a ship?...


I don't know. What do you use to fix a Sky dish to the side of a ship?


No more sails?


I'll get my coat.


The Plank. /That/ way. Walk!!!!


Yes, it was a bit tacky.
I thought someone might tell me to beat it.
It was a bit of a reach.
But I thought I'd run with it.

--
Ron

The (somewhat less grandeous) ferry from Holyhead to Dublin certainly does.
It
had a frozen Sky News picture on all TVs for about 90% of the journey when
we
used it in the summer.

It had a German language finance channel on all TV sets for the whole
journey when I was on it.

Bill

Ron Lowe wrote:
Adrian C wrote:


The Plank. /That/ way. Walk!!!!


Yes, it was a bit tacky.
I thought someone might tell me to beat it.
It was a bit of a reach.
But I thought I'd run with it.


OK, Man over board!!!!


Have a towel :-)

--
Adrian C

"Adrian" wrote in message
om...
I watched the lunch time news earlier and they had an item on the world's
biggest cruise ship, Oasis of the Seas. The captain's name is Bill Wright,
could it possibly be?...
--
^..^ This is Kitty. Copy and paste Kitty into your signature to help
her wipe out Bunny's world domination.




Not unless he is saying all the ships are built incorrectly and he had to
rebuild
them all again. He keeps claiming to correct installations, but refuses to
names
the companies he says did a cowboy job. Is that because he will be sued or
maybe because the work didn't need correcting!
Oh if only Trading Standards would allow their complaints records for the UK
to be released to the pubic - then we would know who to avoid.