Rigger's Diary -- comprehension

"Is that Mr Wright?"
"Yes, who's that?"
"Well I live at Selby Place, at Number 32, next to the lift, and my
television isn't right."
"Oh dear, what's the problem then?"
"Your firm did the aerial didn't you, the one for everybody, that does all
the flats?"
"Yes, that's right, last year."
"Well it doesn't work right, I mean I've got a brand new TV here and it says
no
signal, on the screen like, writing, you know. . ."
"Did your old TV set work alright?"
"Oh yes, that was perfect, never gave me any trouble that telly, but I
wanted one with the box inside it so I can have a DVD."
"What box is that?"
"You know, the box . . . my son brought it. It gets them other channels."
"What channels did it get?"
"Oh, all sorts, but we only bothered upto number twelve, that one that has
the war on a lot, we didn't bother much after that. It's not for us all that
.. . anyway, the thing is, I'm just getting no signal."
"OK, so does your new telly get any channels at all?"
"Oh yes, course it gets the ordinary channels, but we want that ITV2 and it
won't get that. It just says no signal. The Xxxxx man says it's the aerial,
it must have moved in the wind. Can you come and mend it? We'll be in
tomorrow until 12 then we've got to go to the hospital for Nora's bloods, at
the phlebotomy, sometimes there's a long wait so we might be out all
afternoon, so can you come in the morning?"
"To be honest, I'm a bit confused here. Can we just go back to the box that
you had before? Did it get good reception of all the channels you want?"
"Yes it still does."
"What, you've still got it?"
"Well I put it away but I've had to get it out for the extra channels."
"So you've connected it to the new TV? How did you do that?"
"It's just the aerial and that thick wire isn't it? I put it in at the back
and it came on straight away, this new telly it's automatic tuning so you
don't tune it in or anything."
"So you can get all the channels using the box?"
"Well yes we have to because now the telly won't even get the five channels,
since I put the aerial in the box,
but I bought this telly with the box built in so I can have a DVD."
"I'm sorry to keep going back to it, but the box, what does it say on the
front of it?"
"Nokia."
"It doesn't say 'Sky' or anything then? Has it got a slot on the front with
a card in it? Do you just need an aerial for it or
have you got a dish?"
"Oh no, we won't have one of those things, we aren't allowed them here
anyway. Mr Shipley's got one but he shouldn't have.That warden's putty in
his hands, I shouldn't say it but she is."
"So apart from the ordinary five channels you can't get anything on the new
telly except when you turn the Nokia box on?"
"No it just says no signal so that's how I know the aerial's moved round."
"But the Nokia box works OK?"
"Yes but the telly says no signal."
"It sounds like the telly hasn't been installed properly. Did the Xxxxx man
press some buttons and get writing on the screen and a sort of bar thing
that moved slowly across the screen? Did he do anything like that?"
"Oh yes he did all that and it didn't pick up anything, so he said the
aerial must have turned round in the wind."
"So if you click through the channels do the channel names come up on the
screen?"
"Oh yes, all of them, I've tried every one but they all say no signal."
(So he's done an 'add channels'?)
"I'll be honest with you, I think the telly's been installed somewhere else
and it needs tuning in properly to work at your flat, or it might even be
faulty."
"But it says no signal."
"Yes well that's either because it isn't connected to the aerial properly or
it hasn't been tuned in properly or it's faulty. You see, if your Nokia can
pick up all the channels your new telly should be able to."
"But it says no signal, so the aerial must have moved."
"Yes well you see . . you know when the telly came, did they deliver it?"
"Oh yes we had to pay £25 we but couldn't do it. My son could have done it
but he's in Chesterfield.He's a fireman and they could want him any time so
he can't come to see us except at Christmas."
"So when it came did you notice whether they had to cut the top of the box
open, or was it open already?"
"It wasn't in the box. They said they couldn't get the box in the lift so
they'd left it in their van."
"Did they give you a little plastic bag with the instructions in, and did
they put batteries in the remote or were they already in?"
"Jessie did they give you the instructions?"
(muffled conversation)
"No there wasn't any instructions, and as for the zapper I can't remember,
but it's got too many buttons on it I'll tell you that."
"I think you should ring them up and ask them to pop back. Show them that
the Nokia gets all the channels and ask why the new telly doesn't."
"Oh well like I said it can't because there's no signal. The man explained
all that. Mind you we can't get digital here can we? Could that be it?"
"Of course you can get digital. You've got digital on your Nolia box. The
aerial system has all the digital signals on it loud and clear."
"No it can't have because when I bought the new telly they wanted the
postcode and they looked it up and it said we can't have digital,
definitely, but I wasn't bothered. I bought the telly with box built in so I
could have a DVD."
"But the Nokia and the box in the telly are digital. That's what digital is.
What did you think it was?"
"Well I don't know exactly. Doesn't it start next year in Sheffield?"
"As a matter of interest, I wonder why they sold you a digital telly when
the postcode thing said you can't get digital."
(I'm thinking, surely they haven't offloaded a set that's come back because
the DTT doesn't work . . .)
"Oh I don't understand all that technical stuff, but it was a bargain
anyway, there's a tiny mark on one side and they knocked £30 off."
"Oh good. I think the man might have made a mistake when he connected the
telly up, or when he
tuned it in. Now the thing is, if we have to come out and it turns out that
the aerial is OK, the housing association will pass the charge onto you, and
we don't won't that."
"Oh no, definitely."
"Just explain it to them like I told you and if the man still says he can't
fix it for you ask him to ring me."
"Even if it there's still no signal?"
"Even if there's still no signal".
------------------------------------------------------
"Is that Bill?"
"Yes, who's that?"
"It's Colin, Bill, where do I get a satnav card, I've looked all over."
"Err, Colin who?"
"You know, it's me, Colin, with the knee. I've looked all over. Everybody
says it's easy but I can't get one."
"Oh, hello Colin. What do you mean, a satnav card?"
"You know, for the channels, for the motorhome."
"Colin, you're going to think I'm stupid, but when you get this card what
will you do with it?"
"You know. . ."
"I don't.. ."
"You put in the box to get the channels."
"You don't mean a satnav card, you mean a Freesat card."
"Yes, that's it, like I said the one for the box. You must have seen them,
in your job you must have seen them, like. Have you seen them? Where do you
get them from? I've been to all the shops in Meadowhall and they just look
at you gone out like."
"That's shop assistants for you. I'll give you the phone number., just a
minute."
"Are they local, like?"
"No they're in Scotland."
"Oh that's no good, I want one local, I can't go to Scotland like.
Whereabouts in Scotland?"
"You ring up and they send you one."
"Oh that's a good idea, mail order like."
"That's it, here's the number."
----------------------------------------------------------
"Is that Mr Wright?"
"That depends. Are you selling or buying?"
"It's me Mr Wright, it's Judy, from Works, oh you are a one!"
"Oh, hello Judy, Works Where?"
"You know, (names institution) can you send us a splinter?"
"A splinter? What sort of splinter?"
"Well some of the pads have snowy pictures so the lads have been in the
plantroom and they asked me to get a splinter off you, there's one that's
gone wrong somehow."
"Hmm, there's a lot of different types. Can you buzz them and ask what type
it is?"
"Oh they just said a splinter, I'll buzz Gerald, do you want to hang on?"
"Might as well."
"Whisky one to echo three. Whisky one to echo three. . . . .
. . . . Whisky one to echo three . . . . .
.. . . . . Gerald are you there?"
"Oh hello Judy, sorry I forgot who I was again."
"Gerald what sort of splinter is it? Bill says he got some different ones."
"It's an eight way splitter with 'f' connectors."
"Alright love. Ask Jill if she's going to the kick boxing tonight."
"Yes she is actually she said. She said will you bring that chutney and the
David Essex tape."
"OK"
"Bill, it's an eight way splinter with 's' connectors. That's 's'
connectors, 's' sierra."
"OK, I'll put one in the post. Any particular colour?"
--------------------------------------------------------
"Bill it's Colin."
"Oh hello Colin, did you ring Freesat?"
"What do you mean?"
"Oh sorry Colin, wrong Colin there. Which Colin are you?"
"You know, from down the road. Look, it's only on AV3 now."
"What is?"
"Sky. It's only on AV3 and I don't think it's a good picture, not like when
it was on AV1."
"No it won't be. Have you moved the telly or anything?"
"Err, yes, it's all been out for the carpets, now they've come, but I don't
think that's anything to do with it."
"OK, well before I come out would you just have a look behind the telly?
Follow the thick wire from the Skybox to the telly. Pull it out of the
socket marked AV3 and push it firmly into the one marked AV1."
"Oh I don't like to mess. You know me."
"Well someone's messed already, so what you have to do is de-mess it. OK?
Can you do it?"
"I'll have a go Bill, but it sounds a bit technical. Oh will you come and do
it, I'll pay you."
"You certainly will, and I'd be glad to, but I have to warn you my
daughter's getting married so I've doubled my charges."
"Oh 'eck. I'll get Jackie to crawl behing the telly and I'll tell her what
to do."
"Let me know how you get on. But if she gets stuck ring the fire brigade
first."
----------------------------------------------------------
"Is that the aerial firm?"
"It certainly is."
"We've got the cable can you come and fix it to the aerial?"
"Err . . .?"
"My husband's been and got the cable from Wickes so we want it fixed to the
aerial so we can have the telly on in the conservatory."
"It might not work if the signal from the aerial isn't very strong, so you
might need a booster. But if we come and fit a splitter on the aerial and
fix the cable it will cost about £70 + VAT"
"Oh no, that's just ridiculous! I'm not paying that, the cable was nearly
£15, we've paid all that, it only needs tieing to the aerial."
"Have you asked the window cleaner?"
"Ohh no, that's a good idea. Thank you."

Bill

Bill Wright wrote:

[snip insanity vs idiocy]

But if we come and fit a splitter on the aerial and
fix the cable it will cost about £70 + VAT"
"Oh no, that's just ridiculous! I'm not paying that, the cable was nearly
£15, we've paid all that, it only needs tieing to the aerial."
"Have you asked the window cleaner?"
"Ohh no, that's a good idea. Thank you."

LOL - Cheers Bill. Makes me worry a little less about the end of Humanity

--
Michael
m r o z a t u k g a t e w a y d o t n e t

On Thu, 2 Nov 2006 01:32:44 -0000, "Bill Wright"
wrote:

"Is that Mr Wright?"
snip

LOL, thanks for that Bill, been missing the old Rigger's Diary :-)
--
Andrew, contact via http://interpleb.googlepages.com
Help make Usenet a better place: English is read downwards,
please don't top post. Trim replies to quote only relevant text.
Check groups.google.com before asking an obvious question.

"Bill Wright" wrote in message

Thanks, brightened me up no end.

It's not often I'd say this but I think you need an 0870 number for your
special customers....

Jc.

"Bill Wright" wrote in message
...
"Is that Mr Wright?"
"Yes, who's that?"
"Well I live at Selby Place, at Number 32, next to the lift, and my
television isn't right."
"Oh dear, what's the problem then?"
"Your firm did the aerial didn't you, the one for everybody, that does all
the flats?"
"Yes, that's right, last year."
"Well it doesn't work right, I mean I've got a brand new TV here and it
says
no
signal, on the screen like, writing, you know. . ."
"Did your old TV set work alright?"
"Oh yes, that was perfect, never gave me any trouble that telly, but I
wanted one with the box inside it so I can have a DVD."
"What box is that?"
"You know, the box . . . my son brought it. It gets them other channels."
"What channels did it get?"
"Oh, all sorts, but we only bothered upto number twelve, that one that has
the war on a lot, we didn't bother much after that. It's not for us all
that
. . anyway, the thing is, I'm just getting no signal."
"OK, so does your new telly get any channels at all?"
"Oh yes, course it gets the ordinary channels, but we want that ITV2 and
it
won't get that. It just says no signal. The Xxxxx man says it's the
aerial,
it must have moved in the wind. Can you come and mend it? We'll be in
tomorrow until 12 then we've got to go to the hospital for Nora's bloods,
at
the phlebotomy, sometimes there's a long wait so we might be out all
afternoon, so can you come in the morning?"
"To be honest, I'm a bit confused here. Can we just go back to the box
that
you had before? Did it get good reception of all the channels you want?"
"Yes it still does."
"What, you've still got it?"
"Well I put it away but I've had to get it out for the extra channels."
"So you've connected it to the new TV? How did you do that?"
"It's just the aerial and that thick wire isn't it? I put it in at the
back
and it came on straight away, this new telly it's automatic tuning so you
don't tune it in or anything."
"So you can get all the channels using the box?"
"Well yes we have to because now the telly won't even get the five
channels, since I put the aerial in the box,
but I bought this telly with the box built in so I can have a DVD."
"I'm sorry to keep going back to it, but the box, what does it say on the
front of it?"
"Nokia."
"It doesn't say 'Sky' or anything then? Has it got a slot on the front
with a card in it? Do you just need an aerial for it or
have you got a dish?"
"Oh no, we won't have one of those things, we aren't allowed them here
anyway. Mr Shipley's got one but he shouldn't have.That warden's putty in
his hands, I shouldn't say it but she is."
"So apart from the ordinary five channels you can't get anything on the
new
telly except when you turn the Nokia box on?"
"No it just says no signal so that's how I know the aerial's moved round."
"But the Nokia box works OK?"
"Yes but the telly says no signal."
"It sounds like the telly hasn't been installed properly. Did the Xxxxx
man
press some buttons and get writing on the screen and a sort of bar thing
that moved slowly across the screen? Did he do anything like that?"
"Oh yes he did all that and it didn't pick up anything, so he said the
aerial must have turned round in the wind."
"So if you click through the channels do the channel names come up on the
screen?"
"Oh yes, all of them, I've tried every one but they all say no signal."
(So he's done an 'add channels'?)
"I'll be honest with you, I think the telly's been installed somewhere
else
and it needs tuning in properly to work at your flat, or it might even be
faulty."
"But it says no signal."
"Yes well that's either because it isn't connected to the aerial properly
or
it hasn't been tuned in properly or it's faulty. You see, if your Nokia
can
pick up all the channels your new telly should be able to."
"But it says no signal, so the aerial must have moved."
"Yes well you see . . you know when the telly came, did they deliver it?"
"Oh yes we had to pay £25 we but couldn't do it. My son could have done it
but he's in Chesterfield.He's a fireman and they could want him any time
so he can't come to see us except at Christmas."
"So when it came did you notice whether they had to cut the top of the box
open, or was it open already?"
"It wasn't in the box. They said they couldn't get the box in the lift so
they'd left it in their van."
"Did they give you a little plastic bag with the instructions in, and did
they put batteries in the remote or were they already in?"
"Jessie did they give you the instructions?"
(muffled conversation)
"No there wasn't any instructions, and as for the zapper I can't remember,
but it's got too many buttons on it I'll tell you that."
"I think you should ring them up and ask them to pop back. Show them that
the Nokia gets all the channels and ask why the new telly doesn't."
"Oh well like I said it can't because there's no signal. The man explained
all that. Mind you we can't get digital here can we? Could that be it?"
"Of course you can get digital. You've got digital on your Nolia box. The
aerial system has all the digital signals on it loud and clear."
"No it can't have because when I bought the new telly they wanted the
postcode and they looked it up and it said we can't have digital,
definitely, but I wasn't bothered. I bought the telly with box built in so
I could have a DVD."
"But the Nokia and the box in the telly are digital. That's what digital
is. What did you think it was?"
"Well I don't know exactly. Doesn't it start next year in Sheffield?"
"As a matter of interest, I wonder why they sold you a digital telly when
the postcode thing said you can't get digital."
(I'm thinking, surely they haven't offloaded a set that's come back
because the DTT doesn't work . . .)
"Oh I don't understand all that technical stuff, but it was a bargain
anyway, there's a tiny mark on one side and they knocked £30 off."
"Oh good. I think the man might have made a mistake when he connected the
telly up, or when he
tuned it in. Now the thing is, if we have to come out and it turns out
that
the aerial is OK, the housing association will pass the charge onto you,
and
we don't won't that."
"Oh no, definitely."
"Just explain it to them like I told you and if the man still says he
can't
fix it for you ask him to ring me."
"Even if it there's still no signal?"
"Even if there's still no signal".
------------------------------------------------------
"Is that Bill?"
"Yes, who's that?"
"It's Colin, Bill, where do I get a satnav card, I've looked all over."
"Err, Colin who?"
"You know, it's me, Colin, with the knee. I've looked all over. Everybody
says it's easy but I can't get one."
"Oh, hello Colin. What do you mean, a satnav card?"
"You know, for the channels, for the motorhome."
"Colin, you're going to think I'm stupid, but when you get this card what
will you do with it?"
"You know. . ."
"I don't.. ."
"You put in the box to get the channels."
"You don't mean a satnav card, you mean a Freesat card."
"Yes, that's it, like I said the one for the box. You must have seen them,
in your job you must have seen them, like. Have you seen them? Where do
you get them from? I've been to all the shops in Meadowhall and they just
look at you gone out like."
"That's shop assistants for you. I'll give you the phone number., just a
minute."
"Are they local, like?"
"No they're in Scotland."
"Oh that's no good, I want one local, I can't go to Scotland like.
Whereabouts in Scotland?"
"You ring up and they send you one."
"Oh that's a good idea, mail order like."
"That's it, here's the number."
----------------------------------------------------------
"Is that Mr Wright?"
"That depends. Are you selling or buying?"
"It's me Mr Wright, it's Judy, from Works, oh you are a one!"
"Oh, hello Judy, Works Where?"
"You know, (names institution) can you send us a splinter?"
"A splinter? What sort of splinter?"
"Well some of the pads have snowy pictures so the lads have been in the
plantroom and they asked me to get a splinter off you, there's one that's
gone wrong somehow."
"Hmm, there's a lot of different types. Can you buzz them and ask what
type it is?"
"Oh they just said a splinter, I'll buzz Gerald, do you want to hang on?"
"Might as well."
"Whisky one to echo three. Whisky one to echo three. . . . .
. . . . Whisky one to echo three . . . . .
. . . . . Gerald are you there?"
"Oh hello Judy, sorry I forgot who I was again."
"Gerald what sort of splinter is it? Bill says he got some different
ones."
"It's an eight way splitter with 'f' connectors."
"Alright love. Ask Jill if she's going to the kick boxing tonight."
"Yes she is actually she said. She said will you bring that chutney and
the David Essex tape."
"OK"
"Bill, it's an eight way splinter with 's' connectors. That's 's'
connectors, 's' sierra."
"OK, I'll put one in the post. Any particular colour?"
--------------------------------------------------------
"Bill it's Colin."
"Oh hello Colin, did you ring Freesat?"
"What do you mean?"
"Oh sorry Colin, wrong Colin there. Which Colin are you?"
"You know, from down the road. Look, it's only on AV3 now."
"What is?"
"Sky. It's only on AV3 and I don't think it's a good picture, not like
when it was on AV1."
"No it won't be. Have you moved the telly or anything?"
"Err, yes, it's all been out for the carpets, now they've come, but I
don't think that's anything to do with it."
"OK, well before I come out would you just have a look behind the telly?
Follow the thick wire from the Skybox to the telly. Pull it out of the
socket marked AV3 and push it firmly into the one marked AV1."
"Oh I don't like to mess. You know me."
"Well someone's messed already, so what you have to do is de-mess it. OK?
Can you do it?"
"I'll have a go Bill, but it sounds a bit technical. Oh will you come and
do it, I'll pay you."
"You certainly will, and I'd be glad to, but I have to warn you my
daughter's getting married so I've doubled my charges."
"Oh 'eck. I'll get Jackie to crawl behing the telly and I'll tell her what
to do."
"Let me know how you get on. But if she gets stuck ring the fire brigade
first."
----------------------------------------------------------
"Is that the aerial firm?"
"It certainly is."
"We've got the cable can you come and fix it to the aerial?"
"Err . . .?"
"My husband's been and got the cable from Wickes so we want it fixed to
the aerial so we can have the telly on in the conservatory."
"It might not work if the signal from the aerial isn't very strong, so you
might need a booster. But if we come and fit a splitter on the aerial and
fix the cable it will cost about £70 + VAT"
"Oh no, that's just ridiculous! I'm not paying that, the cable was nearly
£15, we've paid all that, it only needs tieing to the aerial."
"Have you asked the window cleaner?"
"Ohh no, that's a good idea. Thank you."

Bill





Quality. It's only going to get worse over the next 5 years or so though!

"Josey" [email protected] wrote in message
...

"Bill Wright" wrote in message

Thanks, brightened me up no end.

It's not often I'd say this but I think you need an 0870 number for your
special customers....

Jc.

Maybe even 0900 for the ones willing to ask the window cleaner.

Paul DS.

"-GB-Carpy" wrote:
[snip]

Quality. It's only going to get worse over the next 5 years or so though!


Especially with people like you wasting all that bandwidth! :-)

--
Chris Green

When's the book coming out!!!?

Well,it's just as big a mystery as ever......I remember the 50's with 405
lines and a single dipole for Holme Moss and all the kerfuffle when Granada
started up and you need a yagi (?) to get that! Channel 2 AND Channel 9!

One just hopes that when it all goes terrestrial digital and the signal
power is great that you'll be able to get it with a knitting needle in the
aerial socket then all this will end.

Of course ..all the mystery does mean a good living for most aerial riggers
and a fortune for some of the crooks too (no names no pack drill especially
in Glossop).

In article ,
Gendy wrote:
Well,it's just as big a mystery as ever......I remember the 50's with 405
lines and a single dipole for Holme Moss and all the kerfuffle when
Granada started up and you need a yagi (?) to get that! Channel 2 AND
Channel 9!

One just hopes that when it all goes terrestrial digital and the signal
power is great that you'll be able to get it with a knitting needle in
the aerial socket then all this will end.

A colleague (in the 70s) had to visit a village in Lancashire where
reception was alleged to be poor according to the Parish Council. Their
resident technical expert had made measurements.

The technical experts reference aerial turned out to be a piece of
broomstick wrapped in cooking foil !

I reckon a knitting needle would have been better.

--
From KT24 - in "Leafy Surrey"

Using a RISC OS computer running v5.11