Home cinema - Rigger's Diary -- terminology

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Rigger's Diary -- terminology

Due, I suppose, to the way television has developed, the word 'channel' has
ended up with two entirely different meanings. Actually, they aren't entirely
different -- it would be better if they were -- they are related in a way that
causes endless confusion. By now you're ahead of me of course. We have
'channel' as in '8MHz wide slot somewhere between 470 and 860MHz' and 'channel'
as in 'Channel Four'. (Don't even think of involving 'S' channels or satellite
channels or VHF FM channels or DAB channels!). Understandably the public thinks
that 'channel 1' is the same thing as the button on the remote that has a '1'
on it, and is synonymous with BBC-1. By an extension of this logic channel 47
must be what you would reach if you pressed the 'up' button 46 times, or
(clever ones only) pressed -/-, 4, 7. So when I mutter "I'm just changing the
UHF output channel of your satellite receiver to channel 34 so that you don't
have Bilsdale ITV in the background' the customer will say, with some agitation
"But we've always had satellite on channel 6! We don't want to click all the
way up to 34!"
"There's no need to be alarmed," I say. "Your index finger will not wither and
die from extreme RSI. Satellite will be on channel 6 again just as soon as I've
re-tuned your telly." Result: total customer confusion. Perhaps I should just
do it and keep my gob shut. The trouble is, I'm like Mr Butcher, my dentist. He
always gives a running commentary as he works. "OK, I'm just going to have to
use the slow drill. Hold tight. It won't hurt a bit." I nod agreement, my mouth
full of scaffolding. He's right, it doesn't hurt a bit. It hurts a lot. He's a
superb technician but his chairside manner leaves a lot to be desired.
Sometimes his commentary is disturbing. "I'm going to hold your forehead so you
can't move when I do this next bit" and "I'll try to extract cleanly, but I
expect the tooth will disintegrate and you'll end up splinters in your gum. Can
be fatal if you get an infection in it you know. Never mind, I've got a waiting
list."
Anyway, back to this channel business. It made it worse when we suddenly had a
channel called 'Channel Four'. Lots of people had two ITVs and they were used
to what they'd got, so we used to say ''Channel Four is on channel five. Got
that?'" Then Channel Five started up, and then after a while they decided to
call themselves 'five' - without a capital. Well I'm sorry, but the conventions
of language overrule a set of dingbat marketing men every time as far as I'm
concerned. If it's a name it gets a capital. Even if it's your name and you
don't want a capital, you get one. It's compulsory. I call it "The channel that
used to be known as Channel Five (but is actually received on real UHF channel
37 in these parts)."
In the early days we used the word 'programme' (Goddammit this Bill Gates
infested machine has just autocorrected to 'program' and it's set for UK
English!) - as in 'Third Programme' and 'Light Programme'. How nice it would be
if we had retained the word for television use. Apart from anything else, it
would have familiarised people with the UK spelling, which seems to be on the
way out. And it's rather nice, is 'programme'. It suggests that a sequence of
entertainments has been prepared, by humans, with their own hands, using care
and skill. But there's a snag. We use the word 'programme' to mean, well,
programme. You know, like 'Neighbours' or 'Royle Family'. Ah well.
A very old TV engineer once told me about the time when he started work as an
apprentice. On a high shelf in the workshop he saw a box labeled 'channel
blocks'. He mused for ages about the high tech product that must be inside.
Finally he discovered that the boxes contained those yellow rectangles that you
drop into the urinals to reduce the smell.

Bill

On Tue, 21 Sep 2004 06:42:54 +0000 (UTC), Paul Webster
wrote:

(Bill) wrote:

snip
The trouble is, I'm like Mr Butcher, my dentist. He
always gives a running commentary as he works.
No doubt adds to the confusion ... when you say to your wife that you
are going to the butcher and come back wihtout a tasty joint.

"OK, I'm just going to have to
use the slow drill. Hold tight. It won't hurt a bit." I nod agreement, my mouth
full of scaffolding. He's right, it doesn't hurt a bit. It hurts a lot.
All part of the same plot .. he meant it won't hurt "the" (drill) bit.

The answer to the dentist problem is to wrap your hand firmly around his
testicles, and say "We're not going to hurt each other, are we?"

JPG

The answer to the dentist problem is to wrap your hand firmly around his
testicles, and say "We're not going to hurt each other, are we?"

Once when I asked him if it was going to hurt he said "I don't usually feel a
thing."
Your suggestion might cure his complacency.

Bill

On 21 Sep 2004 01:24:43 GMT, Bill wrote:

In the early days we used the word 'programme' (Goddammit this Bill Gates
infested machine has just autocorrected to 'program' and it's set for UK
English!) - as in 'Third Programme' and 'Light Programme'. How nice it would be
if we had retained the word for television use. Apart from anything else, it
would have familiarised people with the UK spelling, which seems to be on the
way out.

The thing you watch or listen tos indeed a programme, but the thing
that runs on your computer is a program. Both words are British
English. If you don't believe me go look it up in the OED. Or since
you are a skinflint go here http://www.freesearch.co.uk/dictionary
--
Phil Cook looking north over the park to the "Westminster Gasworks"

The thing you watch or listen tos indeed a programme, but the thing
that runs on your computer is a program. Both words are British
English. If you don't believe me go look it up in the OED. Or since
you are a skinflint go here http://www.freesearch.co.uk/dictionary

Of course. If I meant 'program' I'd write program. But what I'm complaining
about is the fact that this damned machine thinks that 'programme' isn't a
word.

Bill

On 21 Sep 2004 01:24:43 GMT, Bill wrote:

Due, I suppose, to the way television has developed, the word 'channel'
has
ended up with two entirely different meanings. Actually, they aren't
entirely
different -- it would be better if they were -- they are related in a
way that
causes endless confusion. By now you're ahead of me of course. We have
'channel' as in '8MHz wide slot somewhere between 470 and 860MHz' and
'channel'
as in 'Channel Four'. (Don't even think of involving 'S' channels or
satellite
channels or VHF FM channels or DAB channels!). Understandably the public
thinks
that 'channel 1' is the same thing as the button on the remote that has
a '1'
on it, and is synonymous with BBC-1. By an extension of this logic
channel 47
must be what you would reach if you pressed the 'up' button 46 times, or
(clever ones only) pressed -/-, 4, 7. So when I mutter "I'm just
changing the
UHF output channel of your satellite receiver to channel 34 so that you
don't
have Bilsdale ITV in the background' the customer will say, with some
agitation
"But we've always had satellite on channel 6! We don't want to click all
the
way up to 34!"
"There's no need to be alarmed," I say. "Your index finger will not
wither and
die from extreme RSI. Satellite will be on channel 6 again just as soon
as I've
re-tuned your telly." Result: total customer confusion. Perhaps I should
just
do it and keep my gob shut. The trouble is, I'm like Mr Butcher, my
dentist. He
always gives a running commentary as he works. "OK, I'm just going to
have to
use the slow drill. Hold tight. It won't hurt a bit." I nod agreement,
my mouth
full of scaffolding. He's right, it doesn't hurt a bit. It hurts a lot.
He's a
superb technician but his chairside manner leaves a lot to be desired.
Sometimes his commentary is disturbing. "I'm going to hold your forehead
so you
can't move when I do this next bit" and "I'll try to extract cleanly,
but I
expect the tooth will disintegrate and you'll end up splinters in your
gum. Can
be fatal if you get an infection in it you know. Never mind, I've got a
waiting
list."
Anyway, back to this channel business. It made it worse when we suddenly
had a
channel called 'Channel Four'. Lots of people had two ITVs and they were
used
to what they'd got, so we used to say ''Channel Four is on channel five.
Got
that?'" Then Channel Five started up, and then after a while they
decided to
call themselves 'five' - without a capital. Well I'm sorry, but the
conventions
of language overrule a set of dingbat marketing men every time as far as
I'm
concerned. If it's a name it gets a capital. Even if it's your name and
you
don't want a capital, you get one. It's compulsory. I call it "The
channel that
used to be known as Channel Five (but is actually received on real UHF
channel
37 in these parts)."
In the early days we used the word 'programme' (Goddammit this Bill
Gates
infested machine has just autocorrected to 'program' and it's set for UK
English!) - as in 'Third Programme' and 'Light Programme'. How nice it
would be
if we had retained the word for television use. Apart from anything
else, it
would have familiarised people with the UK spelling, which seems to be
on the
way out. And it's rather nice, is 'programme'. It suggests that a
sequence of
entertainments has been prepared, by humans, with their own hands, using
care
and skill. But there's a snag. We use the word 'programme' to mean, well,
programme. You know, like 'Neighbours' or 'Royle Family'. Ah well.
A very old TV engineer once told me about the time when he started work
as an
apprentice. On a high shelf in the workshop he saw a box labeled 'channel
blocks'. He mused for ages about the high tech product that must be
inside.
Finally he discovered that the boxes contained those yellow rectangles
that you
drop into the urinals to reduce the smell.

Bill

I thought you were going to trespass even further into the realms of the
nomenclature used on IDTV's - where one broadcast channel is home to a
number of 'sub-channels'! This has the propensity to cause endless
confusion in this household. I note that Sony seem to have decided that
the individual positions on the commander are called 'programmes'. PROG 5
is "Channel 5"; PROG 40 is "BBC News24"; PROG 80 is some radio station
(why I need a tv to receive radio I don't know) and PROG 91 is BBC1
analogue (still heavily used to access ceefax). To avoid confusion we
generally refer to them simply as 'number 40' or whatever (like in "please
change it to 43, dear"), though I am old-fashioned enough to still
consider them as 'stations' - which, on reflection, they probably are.

Andereida

--
Using M2, Opera's revolutionary e-mail client: http://www.opera.com/m2/

I note that Sony seem to have decided that
the individual positions on the commander are called 'programmes'.

Three cheers for Sony. That should be the norm.

Bill

Bill wrote:

(clever ones only) pressed -/-, 4, 7. So when I mutter "I'm just changing the
UHF output channel of your satellite receiver to channel 34 so that you don't
have Bilsdale ITV in the background' the customer will say, with some agitation
"But we've always had satellite on channel 6! We don't want to click all the
way up to 34!"

Perhaps this would be a good time to get technical on them and use the
"F" word... no not that one, "Frequency"

Hence, you say:

"I am just changing the output frequency of your satellite receiver to
752MHz so that you don't have Bilsdale ITV in the background since it
uses the same frequency"

Customer says:

"Huh? - oh OK then"

--
Cheers,

John.

/================================================== ===============\
| Internode Ltd - http://www.internode.co.uk |
|-----------------------------------------------------------------|
| John Rumm - john(at)internode(dot)co(dot)uk |
\================================================= ================/

"I am just changing the output frequency of your satellite receiver to
752MHz so that you don't have Bilsdale ITV in the background since it
uses the same frequency"

This is a VERY GOOD idea.

Bill

Bill wrote:
"I am just changing the output frequency of your satellite receiver to
752MHz so that you don't have Bilsdale ITV in the background since it
uses the same frequency"

This is a VERY GOOD idea.

Indeed, though in my experience non technical types seem to
prefer and grasp the term 'wavelength', I think 'frequency' sounds too
scary for them !

Rather cumbersome though to say "39.89 cms" :-)

JPG wrote:
On Tue, 21 Sep 2004 06:42:54 +0000 (UTC), Paul Webster
wrote:

(Bill) wrote:

snip

The trouble is, I'm like Mr Butcher, my dentist. He
always gives a running commentary as he works.

No doubt adds to the confusion ... when you say to your wife that you
are going to the butcher and come back wihtout a tasty joint.

"OK, I'm just going to have to
use the slow drill. Hold tight. It won't hurt a bit." I nod agreement, my mouth
full of scaffolding. He's right, it doesn't hurt a bit. It hurts a lot.

All part of the same plot .. he meant it won't hurt "the" (drill) bit.

The answer to the dentist problem is to wrap your hand firmly around his
testicles, and say "We're not going to hurt each other, are we?"

JPG

Which part of my female dentist should I grab, and would it help to
lessen my pain?

Indeed, though in my experience non technical types seem to
prefer and grasp the term 'wavelength', I think 'frequency' sounds too
scary for them !

Rather cumbersome though to say "39.89 cms" :-)

OK then. "I'm just changing the wavelength (allowing for the velocity factor of
the flylead) from eithteen and a quarter inches to one foot three and a bit."

Bill

Which part of my female dentist should I grab, and would it help to
lessen my pain?

Maybe you should offer some sort of inverse feedback. The more pain she gives
you the less pleasure you give her.

Bill

OK then. "I'm just changing the wavelength (allowing for the velocity
factor of
the flylead) from eithteen and a quarter inches to one foot three and a
bit."

But then you'd be dragged off by the measurement police for daring to use
imperial and not metric units.

DB wrote:
OK then. "I'm just changing the wavelength (allowing for the velocity factor of
the flylead) from eithteen and a quarter inches to one foot three and a bit."

But then you'd be dragged off by the measurement police for daring to use
imperial and not metric units.

My father used to refer to BBC Droitwich as "about a mile LW" rather
than 1500 metres.

On Wed, 22 Sep 2004 18:46:48 +0100, Mike Henry
wrote:

In the early days we used the word 'programme' (Goddammit this Bill Gates
infested machine has just autocorrected to 'program' and it's set for UK
English!) - as in 'Third Programme' and 'Light Programme'. How nice it would be
if we had retained the word for television use. Apart from anything else, it
would have familiarised people with the UK spelling, which seems to be on the
way out. And it's rather nice, is 'programme'. It suggests that a sequence of
entertainments has been prepared, by humans, with their own hands, using care
and skill.

Programme in this sense to mean "schedule"/"line-up" ? So if you tune to
the Light Programme [station] on your wireless you will get a schedule
of programmes which is Light. What did they call individual broadcasts
on that station - they wouldn't have been programmes as well?

Thaose were almost prehistoric times - however, I seem to remember that the
individual broadcasts were simply known by their names. Recently I came
across a recording of a historic news programme (1940s) on the Home Service
(now Radio 4). It was introduced as "Here is a broadcast of news".

--
Peter Duncanson
UK

On Wed, 22 Sep 2004 11:34:30 +0100, DB wrote:

OK then. "I'm just changing the wavelength (allowing for the velocity
factor of
the flylead) from eithteen and a quarter inches to one foot three and a
bit."

But then you'd be dragged off by the measurement police for daring to use
imperial and not metric units.

Except he is not selling anything based on those measurements so can use
whatever he wishes.

JAB.

--
Jonathan A. Buzzard Email: jonathan (at) buzzard.me.uk
Northumberland, United Kingdom. Tel: +44 1661-832195

"Mark Carver" wrote in
:

My father used to refer to BBC Droitwich as "about a mile LW" rather
than 1500 metres.

Your point made me realise that the wavelength measurements are much more
comprehensible than frequency for the radio bands.

We've got mile long waves, yard/meter, and by the time we get to inches
we're off the band.

Was this kilo/megacycles, or as the mad europeans made us say hertz,(which,
being european makes no sense) sneaked through while we weren't looking
after saving all their bacon? I think that talking of wavelengths suddenly
gives me a feel for it.

And I've only just noticed after umteen years in the trade.

mike

In message , Bill
writes
The trouble is, I'm like Mr Butcher, my dentist.
It's a great name for a dentist.

Mine used to be Mr Carver.
--
Trevor Wright

In article , Trevor Wright
writes
In message , Bill
writes
The trouble is, I'm like Mr Butcher, my dentist.
It's a great name for a dentist.

Mine used to be Mr Carver.

Mine's a Dr Tang. Fang might be a better nomenclature.

--
Frank Erskine
Sunderland

Mine's a Dr Tang. Fang might be a better nomenclature.

--
Frank Erskine
Sunderland

Today my dad went to see a Dr Erskine. Ohh err, spooky or what . . .

Bill

Bill wrote:

Today my dad went to see a Dr Erskine. Ohh err, spooky or what . . .

True story: many years ago SWMBOs local GP practice was run by Dr.
Ashley Pain, and Dr. Ann King... or as their sign said "Dr. A. King &
Pain". IIRC A King is now retired, leaving A Pain on his own ;-)

--
Cheers,

John.

/================================================== ===============\
| Internode Ltd - http://www.internode.co.uk |
|-----------------------------------------------------------------|
| John Rumm - john(at)internode(dot)co(dot)uk |
\================================================= ================/

On 22/09/2004, Ben wrote in message [email protected]
reader03.plus.net:

The answer to the dentist problem is to wrap your hand firmly around
his testicles, and say "We're not going to hurt each other, are we?"

JPG

Which part of my female dentist should I grab, and would it help to
lessen my pain?

Her purse.

Simon.
--
Using pre-release version of newsreader.
Please tell me if it does weird things.